I ended up really enjoying this book. It was a big eye opener for me on how to deal with my child that is stubborn, smart, perfectionist, always needing to be right, and throws temper tantrums and has a really short fuse. It was interesting idea on that your child just is missing some ways on how to process certain things that happen to them, which end up really frustrate them. How giving them a punishment while they are frustrated is ineffective, and so are many other parenting practices for your child. It made me much more sympathetic towards my child, and want to help him out. He talks about catching your child before they have a meltdown and talking them down and out of frustrations. Modeling a thinking processes, and talking them through what a lot of other kids already do in their heads.

Dr. Ross Greene is a clinical psychologist and author of several books describing the use of his model, Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS), in different settings. He is also the founding director of the non-profit Lives in the Balance, which supports the dissemination of the CPS model. General description Although rewards and punishments can and may have a place, they do not train the child in the above skills. At first blush, this collaborative approach can look a bit like “giving in” to bad behaviour or relinquishing parental authority, but Dr. Greene argues that it isn’t really about that. It’s about proactively dealing with problems which just aren’t getting resolved through more traditional avenues. This problem focused approach is grounded in years of research with behaviourally challenging children. It takes practice but it’s worth the work!

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The problem is that a very different philosophy (children do well if they want to) — often guides adults’ thinking in their interactions with explosive children. Adherents to this idea believe children are already capable of behaving more appropriately but simply don’t want to.

Dr. Greene wants educators to take the time to treat problematic children with special attention. He does understand that teachers already have plenty of work in front of them. "Understanding and helping these students has to be a priority. However, since educators have so many competing priorities, helping behaviorally challenging students often sits low on the totem pole." My thoughts: Your behaviorally challenged kid is one kid in the class---public education is for teaching society's kids. This has to be done efficiently for everyone to receive an education. If a teacher stops every time a child interrupts to negotiate with that child then there are 30 kids who don't get to learn. Is the teacher supposed to stop for all 30 kids? I completely understand why a parent would go through the process in this book, but I don't think every teacher should be expected to...or even asked to. The Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems (ASLUP) was enlightening for my husband and me. It helped us identify the challenges our child is facing to know where to start. In Raising Human Beings, Dr. Greene helps parents maintain the balance between helping kids figure out who they are – their skills, preferences, beliefs, values, personality, goals and direction – and ensuring that kids benefit from parents’ experience, wisdom, and values. His collaborative, non-punitive, non-adversarial approach helps parents reduce conflict, enhance parent-child communication, and forge a partnership with their kids, and also helps foster skills on the more positive side of human nature: empathy, appreciating how one’s behavior is affecting others, resolving disagreements in ways that do not involve conflict, taking another’s perspective, and honesty. This much-anticipated book was released in August, 2016. Kids do well if they can" mentality. Greene reminds parents that children want to succeed but they act out when they are lagging in the skills they need to behave well. He focuses on solving underlying problems rather than bad behavior, because if you solve the problem then the behavior should improve as a result.

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What strategy are you using to raise your child: Plan A, Plan B, or Plan C? The right plan will help you better manage your child’s behavioral challenges. The wrong one will diminish your relationship with him or her.

The invitation (3rd step of Plan B) helps the child do something he’s never been very good at — adjusting to the idea that there might be some shades of gray and that there is a variety of ways to solve a problem. People worry that by not using Plan A, the child is not having limits set. Limit setting means that your needs are met and the child’s needs are met. Plan B sets limits. Solve problems proactively. The heated moment is a bad time to solve problems. But how can you solve problems proactively when your child’s worst episodes are unpredictable? They’re actually not as unpredictable as they might seem. Once you use the ALSUP tool to identify the problems, you can pinpoint when they will occur, so you can work on solving them. With each time-out, detention, suspension, expulsion, paddling, restraint, seclusion, and arrest at school, there are children who aren’t getting the help they need and are being pushed away from caregivers who could instead be helping them. Unfortunately, this book doesn't teach you what to do with your negative, explosive child during an episode.

Parenting Plans: From Bad to Good

Obviously it's not always that neat. But I've found that just starting with "What's up?" makes a world of difference. And if you learn their triggers. i.e. hunger, tiredness, math. You can sometimes head them off at the pass. Dr. Greene approaches the problem of explosive anger from the perspective of a neuropsychologist – someone who is keenly aware of brain development and functioning – and explains that children explode in anger because they become overwhelmed due to the situation or their capacity to withstand the situation. People who have a hard time grasping and/or applying the concepts of this book might benefit from the help, encouragement and assurance of a therapist skilled in CPS.

I was very disappointed in this book. There was never any clear discussion of what symptoms or characteristics one might use to classify their child as "explosive" other than one who throws a lot of violent fits. But there is a big difference between a "difficult" kid and one who is emotionally incapable of controlling him- or herself. An ingenious solution is one that is doable, realistic and mutually satisfactory. If the child comes up with a one sided solution, the response might be “That’s one idea, however the solution has to work for both of us.” To determine your child’s deficient skills, use The Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems (ALSUP), in combination with this 45-minute tutorial that teachers parents how to use it. This will not be a review to tell you if this 'works'--I do not have a challenging kid. I don't have any children. I read this because I enjoy reading psychology books and I have friends with challenging children, one of whom specifically requested I read this book with her. I have decided to give this a review as I would any other psych, soc, or econ book I've read in the past since I can't really enlighten potential readers on the success or failure of the methods in practice. So I'm reviewing this as an outsider to the problem---I'm just the one rolling my eyes at the bad parents in a restaurant who won't keep their kids under control and ruin my night out. You’re feeling as if you’re not very good at Plan B yet, so you’re still using a lot of Plan A instead. Remember empathy (not ‘no’) is the first step of Plan B.If you are looking for a printer friendly version of this document, feel free to use this Google Docs link: The interpretation of the child’s explosive behavior will be linked to how you try and change the behavior. That’s why we’re here. Lives in the Balance advocates for our most vulnerable kids, and helps caregivers see them through more accurate, productive lenses and intervene in evidence-based ways that are collaborative, proactive, non-punitive, non-exclusionary, and effective. Our free resources, trainings, and outreach and advocacy efforts are driving the paradigm shift all over the world.